I operate on my own strength

I have to tell you something that I am so embarrassed to admit. This morning I dried my hair in my bathroom for the first time in a year! What in the world are you talking about, you say? Well, the plug in my bathroom has officially not worked since I moved into this house, exactly 1 year and 5 days ago.

Yes, I've gone that long without telling Jerry that it's been broken. It totally was not intentional, but I just kept forgetting to tell him. I would always think about it super early in the morning or late at night, and just never could get myself around to telling him.. until yesterday. You see my toilet was broken, which led me to tell Jerry, which led him to ask me if anything else was broken.. and I FINALLY remembered to tell him about the plug. Of course it turned in to a huge fiasco and the plumber and electrician were at the house fixing things all.day.long. yesterday. What a mess!

He couldn't believe it took me a year to tell him that the plugs haven't worked. Going without electricity in my bathroom for a year is silly. Why did I do that?

I've been studying Deuteronomy for the past 5 weeks. This morning in Deuteronomy 27 Moses wraps up everything he's been saying for the past 26 chapters, which reiterates over and over again "love the Lord with all your heart, follow his commands, walk in His ways.." It got my thinking about my life, and how I desire to follow God in every aspect of my life. But here's the deal:

i've been trying to do it in my own strength

God sets all these commands for the children of Israel, but none of them could fulfill them all. No one was perfect. Except Jesus. He was the only person who completely fulfilled the law. And then it hit me.. " Linnae, your heart and your desires are starting to match up with mine, but you cannot do this on your own strength. You've got to let me do it for you… operate through you…."

What a relief! I finally feel like this is a new beginning for me. Cliche? Maybe. But so new to me today.

Why didn't I tell Jerry a long time ago about the plug in my bathroom? Because I operate on my own strength. I want to be independent and fix things myself. I don't want to rely on others. And I especially don't want to rely on God at times (yikes!).


Margie said...

love this post! we've been studying deut. too!

Sara Jean Johnson said...

This is so rich, Nin. I love how God is restoring SO much of your heart right now. Amazingly beautiful.