Do you ever have those days, where something is on your mind and you can't stop thinking about that one certain thing? And It's a big thing. At least it's big thing to you. Something that effects your whole day. Your job, a person, a conversation you had the day before, something that happened that really did something to your heart. . .

I woke up that way today. What's hard about this thing, is that sometimes you don't know if you should be feeling the way you do, or you don't know what to do about HOW you feel. It's just there. Like a big blockade that won't go away. And you read, and pray, and think about it some more, trying to figure out what you are going to do, how you are going to change this thing. In some ways you feel guilty for feeling the way you do. Am I being selfish? Am I not being grateful? How come I haven't felt this way in the past? Is it God that is igniting something in my heart? Or am I just frustrated and don't know what to do about it?

We are reading through Jeremiah right now, and we happened to be in chapter 17 today.

The heart is deceitful above all thing and beyond cure
Who can understand it?
I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind,
to reward a man according to his conduct,
according to what his deeds deserve

How am I supposed to know how to process things if my own heart deceives me? Does that mean that everything I'm feeling and thinking has no value? Doesn't God live in our hearts . . . I mean, He is supposed to give us a clean heart . . . right?

This thing is driving me nuts.

I started to think about my life. The fact that God knew me before I even existed on this earth. He knew I would grow up in Chicago, move to Memphis, lose my dad, date someone for 7 years only for it to end, would get to live in Nashville, and then give me a dream job in Dallas without even looking for it. I remembered . . . that my life has been good. Those things are just the big details, but all the little details, they've been incredible. They've fit in perfectly with the big things. And I didn't do anything to create ANY of them. They just happened. Because God is really really good. He always has been to me, and I know He always will be to me. I would not change one part of my life, because I know they have gotten me where I am today.

So I'm thankful that God can and does search my heart and examine my mind. He knows how I'm going to feel about this thing one month from now, or a year from now. He knows whether or not it needs to happen or fade away. Because He has my best in mind.

So I have the option, not to necessarily forget how I'm thinking and feeling about this thing, but I do need to focus on something else. Because otherwise I will go crazy. And so I remember my life, and all that has happened, and choose the truth, and act on the truth. That God is good. He always has been, and He always will be. I don't sit on this thing anymore, but just remember His goodness and faithfulness. And . . . that's really it.

Something will probably shift or change, because He's good like that, and everything will be just fine.

So, God . . . about this thing . . . you can let it happen, or make it go away . . . or just sit there for a while. But I'm not going to worry about it all day today. Because either way, you're going to allow it to change me. And you will graciously act. And I will think about the greater picture. Which is me knowing You, and allowing that to be my heartbeat for today.


My friends

Margie: one day I hope you get to have your own cooking show.

Kendall: one day I hope you are part of your own church, seeing the lost have radical life changes, all the while doing stand up comedy every now and then

Dara: one day I hope you are hanging out with the famous, praying for them and seeing them come to know God

Kristin: one day I hope you are traveling and leading worship

Jenny: one day I hope you own your own bakery in a beautiful house with beautiful things inside

Sarah: one day I hope you own your own stationery store, that probably sells coffee as well

Sara: one day I hope you have your own yoga studio, and it will also sell the stationery that you make
*perhaps you should sell your stationery in Sarah's store as well

Laura: one day I hope you are running some fabulous business that provides funds for people all around the world, and you will be a pilot as well

just sayin…….

Helllooooo Colorado

Why is it that when we are removed from our normal environments, we can see things a lot clearer?

I got to Colorado Springs last night. I'm here hanging out with my sister and brother-in-law. She just had some surgery and I'm here to help where I can. (honestly, it's just a really great excuse to be with them and also get out of the Texas heat) And the mountains? Please! I could stare at them all day every day.

This morning I've been pondering a few things I'm praying about and believing for. And for some reason, I feel like I can see a lot more clearly on these things being away. I see change that needs to happen in my life, and I'm just not sure how to make it all happen. I know that when I return, it will be challenging. The tendency will be to NOT change and fall into my normal patterns.

But not this time. I will pray, think, pray some more, hold myself accountable to others and let the change take place.

Why is this? Why do we have to remove ourselves from environments to see things?

"Come away by yourselves to a secluded place and rest a while." Mark 6:31

Come away . . . . to see a new perspective, to get out of routine, and let God speak.



Never Giving Up

Sometimes I have no words. Like tonight. I've felt every kind of emotion I can feel today. All I want to do is sit and listen to and watch this video.


And then I rest. And find peace in the midst of chaos. And I know everything is taken care of.