I’m convinced that Jesus would be taken as a very strange human being if He were here on this earth at this day.
Instead of people being demon - possessed (at least here in America for the most part), they’d go to Him with their cancer, broken hearts, aids, faithlessness, and ask Him for healing.
I do not understand why we are OK with reading the Word of God, seeing how Jesus was a healer - that was one of His main ministries, and yet we hear about churches/people in America who are experiencing healing, who are going out and praying for people, and we think they are way too “charasmatic” and “weird” and “have messed up theology”. I don’t understand why, and I’m guilty of this too, we think that Jesus would come to earth and love people and free them from all their burdens/diseases, and then just not let that be possible for us today. Didn’t He say that it is better that He goes back to heaven and gives us His Spirit so that we can bring the Kingdom of Heaven to earth?
I’m torn. I’m torn because I want so badly to just live as Jesus lived. I want that so badly for my life. I want to serve, I want to love people unrelentlessly, I want to bring Heaven to earth. And here I am, every day, not really feeling like I am anywhere near that. Spending time with God (some days more than others), but every day with a yearning and desire to be close to Him and there is a deep connection there. But I feel like there is no fruit. At least the kind of fruit that I’d like to see.
But is it really up to me what kind of fruit I’m producing? Because if it was up to me, I think I’d be in trouble. Because then I would be in control. Because then I would start to think that the more I did - the more I prayed, the more I read my Bible, the more I told people about Jesus, the more results I would see. Doing, doing, doing, doing... for some reason it’s just not getting me anywhere right now. I can’t pray enough, try hard enough, to get the results I’m going for.
I.am.not.in.control. I’ve got to quit trying so hard. I’ve got to just believe. I can feel my heart instantly being drawn to Him every day. Should’ve that just usher me into a deeper relationship with Him as I spend time with Him, rather than thinking about.. “ok my time with God is from 7:00-8:00 every morning; I will read my Bible for 30 minutes, pray for 15, and then listen to God for 15 minutes”. What happens if my morning doesn’t go like that and I only have 5 minutes with Him? Will I experience less of His presence that day than the day before? Wouldn’t that all be based on my performance?
I guess I just want to know Him - all of Him - and what He has for me, for my friends, and those that I love, and even those that I don’t know but get to encounter in my days on earth. I want ALL of Him. His heart, his mind, his gifts, the Spirit - Father, Son, and Holy Spirit. I want it all.
I can’t read enough, pray enough, to obtain it all. But I sure love being in His presence, and I love reading His word. And I love when He speaks to me when I’m listening to Him. So I will keep doing it, every chance that I have. I will keep thinking of Him through the day; feeding my Spirit with things of the kingdom rather than things of this world. Because in the end, the only thing that matters is Him.
Lord, may You continually give me a deeper desire to know You more, and may You use me to bring heaven to earth. May I not live as the world lives, but as you did while you were here.